brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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