You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
