also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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