So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Randomize
