I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
