She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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