you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
