what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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