am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
