Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
