My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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