OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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