The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
