I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
