Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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