im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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