He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
