Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
