i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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