In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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