last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
