And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
