My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
