I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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