i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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