you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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