see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
