My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
