i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
