As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
