I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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