New invention idea: vibrating tampons
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
