Christians are straight up FREAKS
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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