Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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