Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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