Is it because I queefed?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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