I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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