next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
