if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
