Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
