Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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