I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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