Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
