After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
