i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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