Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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