We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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