I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Floor bacon is actually really good
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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