HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
