I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
