Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
