Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
