When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
