Kareoke will never be a sober sport
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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