Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
